I'm in an ambivalent state between wanting to be loved and not wanting love at all.

Verdict

Taste: A

Look: B+

I should have greased AND floured the bottom of the pan. Other than the bottom sticking, IT IS SO DELICIOUS. 

note: 400F for 14-16 min

In the oven:

I looked a few recipes and decided to tweek them to my own. Here's what's in the oven currently:

1 1/4 cups of medium ground corn meal

almost a cup of flour (maybe 3/4? 4/5?)

2 tsp of baking powder

1 tsp of baking soda

1 tsp of salt

2 eggs, beat

1 can of corn, drained

large splash of milk (1/4 cup?)

large dollop of yogurt

about 1/4 cup of honey

Blended the wet ingredients (minus the eggs). Mixed the dry ingredients and then combined slowly, didn't over mix. Lastly, added the eggs.

Set oven to 400 and now I'm waiting.....

(Tim: the cheddar cheese in my fridge was bad... muahah)

Then I saw three more that I want to buy...

I figure that investing money into my garden, spices, food, jewelry and perfume is the way to go. Or maybe that's just my materialistic side talking...


Teresa, Nobi and I transplanted our garden yesterday! It looks wonderful. The lettuce doesn't seem too happy but hopefully we can make something work. Pictures soon!

I'm considering taking the rest of the week off. It's my mischievous plan on how to get back at the world for hurling too much in my direction.

What is with all the "planned outages" tonight? I've seen at least 3 websites in the last hour !

Also, you know what's awesome about imaginary friends? They are forced to listen to you whine, cry and complain about life. Just how awesome is that concept? and I dont have to deal with their bullshit back at me...

This weekend

was only half productive.

Possibly made friends with the neighbors upstairs, bought more basil and oregano, bought a beautiful bouquet of flowers for my mom, painted my toenails, made stirfry with eggplant, bought earplugs, ate half a pack of oreos and avoided doing laundry. 

Success!

Simple things

Sleeping cures a lot of things.

This past week, one of my favorite professors stopped me after class to make sure I was doing alright. You know it's bad when your teacher not only notices, but cares too. I decided to rest up as much as I could this weekend, which hasn't been as much as I would have liked, but Im not complaining.

Yesterday, Teresa and I bought some starters just in case our seedlings failed. We figured that it was not only OK for beginners to semi cheat, but also it supported a non profit that is doing TREMENDOUS things in Seattle. I squealed with excitement when I saw how many plants were for sale. I think I smelled every single herb there was. We ended up buying sunflowers, eggplant, lavender, basil, lettuce mixes, parsley, cucumber and peppers. I'm going to write down the proper names soon. Oh and MINT! The mint smells SO DELICIOUS. I also have three packets of flowers I need to plant some time this week.

So after our plant buying adventure, we went to the produce stand and bought ridiculous amounts of veggies and fruit for under $15. Seriously, I just get excited bringing home a huge bag of food. The excitement dies when I try to figure out something to cook and nothing comes to mind though.

Later, I walked to the farmer's market and realized they started selling starters too! Our herb garden is going to be ridiculous. And delicious. AND THEN I found out we have a really good chance at getting a p-patch! YES. Im a little nervous using a public space for our veggies, just because I want the herbs to be readily accessible when I cook but I think we'll plant some squash, eggplant and loads and loads of flowers. Maybe we can attract some hummingbirds?

I really want to buy a couple of citrus trees. I was tempted to buy an elderberry bush but decided I should probably make the space before I make such an investment. I want to be able to care for my plants! (why do I sound like such a parent?)

What excited me today though was my poor man's Italian espresso and the fact that I hung my laundry out on our clothing rack to dry in the sun. YES. It just made me so excited and happy.

Dilemma // Unfortunate circumstance

Dilemma:
A situation that requires a choice between options that are or seem equally unfavorable or mutually exclusive.

Circumstance:
A condition or fact that determines or must be considered in the determining of a course of action.

Neither are the words I'm looking for. The situation is something like this: I just moved into my new room, in which the internet used to only work in one little spot in the room. And only with my roommates' newer laptops. Well, turns out, the internet works almost everywhere, but still only with their laptops.

1. I wish the internet worked on my laptop because I use it the most.
2. I dont want to pay for internet
3. I dont want everyone to know because I dont want everyone in my room
4. wah wahhh wahhh

note: I like keeping secrets, and then sharing them at the best moments. Like how I kept it a secret it that we actually DO get the local channels and so now if we feel the need to waste more time, we can.


I love clean houses!

Now her body is the definition of fine but I told her that her body looks better with mine

There truly is more going on in my life than I what I allude to here. Regardless, last night I was thinking about what it would be like to write an online dating profile. I really want to just so I can face all the things about how I perceive others and myself. And possibly pinpoint some reasons why i've been called 'particular Paula' or 'pet peeve Paula'. But maybe that's just embarrassing and no one would care?

A while ago I started a "101 things to do in 1001 days" but I've been slacking alot lately. My friend and I are going to collaborate and make this summer RIDICULOUS. Then again, why make only the SUMMER ridiculous? Why not the entire year? yeah, that's more like it.

Speaking of slacking, I haven't been where I want to be in terms of cooking. I haven't cooked ANYTHING since Easter. Baking a large batch of cookies does not count. Or those garlic fries from last night.

Inspiration:




Mooncake Foods: Veggie Special, Portobello, Cucumber Asparagus, BBQ sauce, American Cheese

Brussels Sprouts Sautéed with Garlic

Vegetarian Indian Curry Tofu Pot Pie

I can only dream

Healthy substitutions

When I cook and bake, I rarely go by recipe... I tend to substitute this and that and use more spice than it calls for (a teaspoon of cinnamon in carrot cake?!) Obviously this has ended in numerous disasters, most of which I will still eat. But lessons have been learned in the last 24 hours:

Do not substitute applesauce for an egg in any Polish recipe because you think it will be more moist. There is a reason WHY it calls for 6 eggs, okay? Also, make SURE you separate the yolks and the whites because otherwise the whites will not attain ultimate fluffiness (primary reason for failing any Polish cake). I probably should have doubled checked the exact baking term of "szklanka", which literally means "a glass"... but then we use cups?

Also, deep fried foods are deep fried simply because they taste better that way and are meant to be that way, and only that way. Baking, boiling, heating, whatever, will not end in the same flavor. (Prime example: seasoned french fries vs. seasoned boiled potatoes. I know I know, horrible! But I was convinced it would be "healthier", even after I covered it in butter and salt)


F A I L


Next on the list: russian tea cookies.

Love & Food

I am so pathetic. All I talk about is either love or food. Or lack of either. Here's a bit of both:

Not that I'm trying to sound conceited, but at some point in my life, I became a pretty good conversationalist. I love talking! I love people! But talking and hanging out does not equivocate to me being interested. I'm just trying to make friends, okay? friends. I need some of those. In both sexes.

Food:
I hate that I just bought groceries not that long ago and my peaches are going moldy. moldy peaches. that's a band isn't it?
Anyway, I sauteed some eggplant and peppers today and it was dank. that's right, dank. WIth some couscous and balsamic reduction.
Now i"m trying to curb my appetite and eating "healthy" (aka eating my non allergy foods) so I'm consuming snap peas with sea salt and ground peppercorn by the pounds.

Being so productive. I love being busy. I love it. I truly do. I'm afraid that post college I will have nothing to do with my life!

A brand new topic that has never been discussed!

I feel as though my energy has been really good, positive and lucky for me these past few months. I've had my fair share (no not fair, way more than fair) of downs and ups, but some how I can really sense the ups. It's all the little things that are hard to remember after the fact. Like I'll double think doing things and for no real reason (as in, I can't see what the outcome of my action will be), I will do something just because it feels right. And then something good comes out of it. It's weird. Maybe more on this later.
My ups HAVE been pretty phenomenal lately though, I can't complain. Got into my program, got a new job, made some strong bonds with friends, rekindle old friendships, have been acing the subject I was convinced I was going to fail, NGO stuff has been going well, WE GOT GRANT$, and so much more.

Now if I could only stretch this luck a little further and hope that a few exciting things happen on spring break and this summer, that would be awesome.


One thing I've been reminding myself: live in the now.

It's been over a month since I've written here. And unfortunately, today is going to be "dear diary" style.

dear diary:
it seems as thought every year, just about this time, I find myself in a new relationship. but no, not this year. this year, I get the joy of stumbling across photos of an exboyfrieds new girlfriend... who is pretty cute. thanks!
and i'm pretty ready to fall in love, ok? can you make this happen?

thanks diary!